- Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
- What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
- Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
- Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 138
Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 137
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider…
They climbed up a small branch and reached the edge, but realized they were now trapped.
“Hold on tight!” says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps, and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
“That’s amazing!” says the second caterpillar. “How are you doing that?!”
Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 136
A man was lost in the desert. He was desperate for water. Finally, he found a small town, and in the town was a shop. He went into the shop and found a small man behind the counter. “Help me,” he said. “I would like some water.”
The storekeeper replied, “Sorry, I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.
The thirsty man shouted, “What, you lousy shopkeeper, I don’t want a tie, I need water.”
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 136”Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 135
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 AM. Can you believe that? 2:30 AM! Luckily, I was still up playing my bagpipes.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 135”Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 134
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
I took my wife to an apple orchard for her birthday. We spent an hour looking at the trees.
Apparently, it wasn’t the Apple Watch she was expecting.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 134”Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 133
Getting Older
- Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it’s called golf.
- Eventually, you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
- The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve travelled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
- How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
- When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 132
A man undergoes a physical exam. He asks the doctor, “How do I stand?” The doctor says, “I don’t know. That’s what puzzles me.”
I take my wife everywhere, but she still finds her way home.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 132”Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 131
A bum comes up to me in the street and says I haven’t had a bite in three days, so I bit him.
A woman approached me and said, “I’ll do anything for $50.” I said, “Okay, paint my house.”
The definition of ambivalence. Your mother-in-law driving over a cliff in your new Cadillac.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 131”Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 130
An old man in a candy store sees a strange bottle in the back room. He picks it up, looks at it, and rubs it, and the genie escapes. The genie is so grateful that he asks the man what he would like. The old man says he always wanted to go to Atlantic City. The old man says, “I have no one to take care of the store if I go.” The genie says, “Go, and I’ll take care of the store.” The old man asks him if he knows how to care for a candy store, and the genie says, I am a genie, I can do anything. So the old man goes, and the genie does a good job taking care of the store. The old folks file in in the morning and ask Where’s Sol. The genie says he went to Atlantic City. So they ask if he’s taking care of the store. He says, I am the genie, I can do anything. So he says, “All right, all right, make me a malted.” The genie says, “Poof, you’re a malted.”
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 130”Technical Jokes and Cartoons-129
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Some people pick their nose, but I was born with mine.
I made six figures last year. But this year, I’ll earn less since the toy factory fired me for being so slow.
Atoms are very successful. They’re into everything.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons-129”