A man was lost in the desert. He was desperate for water. Finally, he found a small town, and in the town was a shop. He went into the shop and found a small man behind the counter. “Help me,” he said. “I would like some water.”
The storekeeper replied, “Sorry, I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.
The thirsty man shouted, “What, you lousy shopkeeper, I don’t want a tie, I need water.”
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 136”
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 AM. Can you believe that? 2:30 AM! Luckily, I was still up playing my bagpipes.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 135”
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
I took my wife to an apple orchard for her birthday. We spent an hour looking at the trees.
Apparently, it wasn’t the Apple Watch she was expecting.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 134”
A man undergoes a physical exam. He asks the doctor, “How do I stand?” The doctor says, “I don’t know. That’s what puzzles me.”
I take my wife everywhere, but she still finds her way home.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 132”
A bum comes up to me in the street and says I haven’t had a bite in three days, so I bit him.
A woman approached me and said, “I’ll do anything for $50.” I said, “Okay, paint my house.”
The definition of ambivalence. Your mother-in-law driving over a cliff in your new Cadillac.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 131”
An old man in a candy store sees a strange bottle in the back room. He picks it up, looks at it, and rubs it, and the genie escapes. The genie is so grateful that he asks the man what he would like. The old man says he always wanted to go to Atlantic City. The old man says, “I have no one to take care of the store if I go.” The genie says, “Go, and I’ll take care of the store.” The old man asks him if he knows how to care for a candy store, and the genie says, I am a genie, I can do anything. So the old man goes, and the genie does a good job taking care of the store. The old folks file in in the morning and ask Where’s Sol. The genie says he went to Atlantic City. So they ask if he’s taking care of the store. He says, I am the genie, I can do anything. So he says, “All right, all right, make me a malted.” The genie says, “Poof, you’re a malted.”
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 130”
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Some people pick their nose, but I was born with mine.
I made six figures last year. But this year, I’ll earn less since the toy factory fired me for being so slow.
Atoms are very successful. They’re into everything.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons-129”
Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics, and your opponent will do it for you.
~Mark Twain
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
~Benny Hill
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons-128”
He said, “Doctor, every time I try to sleep, I close my eyes and see visions of PVC, copper, steel, and corncob. Am I going mad?!”
The doctor replied, “Relax. You’re just having pipe dreams.”
A new study reveals that women who are slightly overweight live longer
then the men who mention it