A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house’s private study
Maid: “I’d like a raise.”
Mrs. Smith: “Why do you think you deserve a raise?
Maid: “Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you.”
Mrs. Smith: “Who told you that?”
A family of mice was out walking and was suddenly surprised by a large cat. Father Mouse stood his ground, drew himself up to his full height, and shouted “BOW-WOW-WOW!!!” at the cat. The cat, alarmed, ran off.
The small mice were very impressed. “That was fantastic, Dad! How did you do that?”
“That, son, “explains Father Mouse, “demonstrates the value of learning a second language.”
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider…
They climbed up a small branch and reached the edge, but realized they were now trapped.
“Hold on tight!” says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps, and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
“That’s amazing!” says the second caterpillar. “How are you doing that?!”
A man was lost in the desert. He was desperate for water. Finally, he found a small town, and in the town was a shop. He went into the shop and found a small man behind the counter. “Help me,” he said. “I would like some water.”
The storekeeper replied, “Sorry, I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.
The thirsty man shouted, “What, you lousy shopkeeper, I don’t want a tie, I need water.”
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 136”
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 AM. Can you believe that? 2:30 AM! Luckily, I was still up playing my bagpipes.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 135”
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
I took my wife to an apple orchard for her birthday. We spent an hour looking at the trees.
Apparently, it wasn’t the Apple Watch she was expecting.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 134”
A man undergoes a physical exam. He asks the doctor, “How do I stand?” The doctor says, “I don’t know. That’s what puzzles me.”
I take my wife everywhere, but she still finds her way home.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 132”
A bum comes up to me in the street and says I haven’t had a bite in three days, so I bit him.
A woman approached me and said, “I’ll do anything for $50.” I said, “Okay, paint my house.”
The definition of ambivalence. Your mother-in-law driving over a cliff in your new Cadillac.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 131”