A young driver became lost in a snowstorm. The teenager didn’t panic, however, because he remembered what his dad had once told him. “If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snowplow to come by and follow it.”
Sure enough, pretty soon, a snowplow came by, and he started to follow it. He followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally, the driver of the truck got out and asked the teen what he was doing. And he explained that his dad had told him if he ever got stuck in a snowstorm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, “Well, I’m done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?”
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?
A: An envelope
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It’s okay. He woke up.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?… What do women really want?
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
Her price was to marry Sir Lancelot, the noblest of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered….is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day… or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now… What is the moral of this story?
The moral is:
If you don’t let a woman have her own way,
things are going to get ugly…
If a chemistry and biology teacher goes to a bar, where do they sit?
The periodic table.
What do a judge and an English teacher have in common?
Sentences, lots and lots of sentences.
What does a school and a plant have in common?
What does a high school basketball player and jury have in common? The Court.
What book won’t teachers give you credit for reading? Facebook.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We’ll see about that.” – Stewart Francis
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin
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Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.