I’ll look into it. = I’ve already forgotten about it.
I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.
Happy to discuss further. = Don’t ask me about this again.
No worries. = You really messed up this time.
Take care. = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me.
A client called my help desk saying she couldn’t send an e-mail. When I was done troubleshooting the problem, she interrupted me to ask, “Wait a minute, do I type @ in lower- or uppercase?”
Customer: My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can’t get in.
Advisor: Has he forgotten it?
Customer: No he just won’t tell me it because I’ve grounded him.
Tech Support: ‘Ok, in the bottom left of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow. How can you see my screen from there?’
Advisor: Can you click on ‘My Computer’?
Customer: I don’t have your computer, just mine.
And some silly ones for your children:
What’s fuzzy and green, and if it fell out f tree could really hurt you?
A pool table.
Why does a chicken coop have only 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors, it would be called a sedan.
And some stories to think about:
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied:
“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered, “Sure, why not.” So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two police officers and a psychiatrist.
Do you have any jokes to contribute? Please send them to me. It’s always a challenge finding good ones. Thanks.