Some comments from Stephen Wright:
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
A man and his dog walk into a bar…
The man proclaims, “I’ll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.”
Bartender: “Yeah! Sure…go ahead.”
Man: “What covers a house?”
Man: “How does sandpaper feel?”
Man: “Who was the greatest ball player of all time?”
Man: “Pay up. I told you he could talk.”
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, “Maybe I should have said Mantle?”
Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
I believe hard work will never hurt you….provided you watch it from a safe distance.
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.
Explanation: The atomic symbol for oxygen and potassium are “O” and “K,” respectively. They get together they spell OK.
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Secretary: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him.”
Dentist: “You need a crown.”
Patient: “Finally someone who understands me”
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?
There was no chemistry.
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