Technical Jokes and Cartoons 47

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Cartoon Brain-FullWi-Fi went down during family dinner tonight. One of the kids started talking and I didn’t know who she was.

 

Don’t you hate it when you pack the family into the VR room for some recreational virtual time travel, and the damn kids keep asking, “Are we then yet?”

 

My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.

 

I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.

 

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish? One is a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.


A first-grade teacher had twenty-five students in her Clarkston, MI class. She presented each child in her class the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are just 6-year-olds.

  1. Don’t change horses……………………… until they stop.
  2. Strike while the……………………………. bug is close.
  3. It’s always darkest before………………. Daylight Saving Time.
  4. You can lead a horse to water but……. how?
  5. Don’t bite the hand that………………… looks dirty.
  6. news is…………………………………… impossible.
  7. miss is as good as a……………………. Mister.
  8. can’t teach an old dog new………. math.
  9. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…….. stink in the morning.
  10. An idle mind is……………………………. the best way to relax.
  11. A penny saved is…………………………. not much.
  12. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and……………………….. you have to blow your nose.
  13. Children should be seen and not……. spanked or grounded.
  14. When the blind lead the blind……….. get out of the way.

Cartoon-xkcd-kilogram

 

Two robins were sitting in a tree. “I’m really hungry,” said the first one.

“Me too,” said the second. “Let’s fly down and find some lunch.”

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate until they could eat no more.

“I’m so full I don’t think I can fly back up to the tree,” said the first one.

“Me neither. Let’s just lay here and bask in the warm sun,” said the second.

They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep when a big fat tomcat snuck up and gobbled them up.

As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, “I just love ‘baskin’ robins.'”


 

I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it. *

* Sorry, this joke is for Internet people. Take a look at our article Abbreviations and Acronyms and look up “UDP”.


Answers by 15-year old students:

What does the word “benign” mean?

Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

 

What is the correct use of a semi-colon?

Only to be used as a last resort, a semi-colon is a partial removal of the intestines.

 

Name the four seasons.

Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

cartoon-anti-science

What is a fossil?

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

 

How can you delay milk turning sour?

Keep it in the cow.

 

What is the Fibula?
A small lie.

 

 


It’s late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming winter going to be cold?’

‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?’

‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold winter.’

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?’

‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.’

‘How can you be so sure?’ the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, ‘The Indians are collecting a huge amount of firewood.’

 


Hope you found these jokes funny. If not, send me some that you think are better. Thanks.