A bunch of evolutionary scientists got together for a cookout one day.
They got a bunch of stuff to grill up, but everyone was most excited about the sausages.
The scientists counted the sausages to make sure there were enough for everyone, and even though they initially thought they had enough they were one short. They checked the cooler, the fridge, and everywhere else they could think to look, but science still has yet to find the missing link.
Shel Silverstein
I heard that Katrina
The Cook was a witch,
But me, I’m such
A stupid kid,
I yelled, “Hey! Katrina,
Make me a sandwich,”
and ZAP —
She did!
Jack: My uncle swallowed a frog.
Jill: Goodness, did it make him sick?
Jack: Sick! He’s liable to croak any minute!
What do you call a small bread that is moving rhythmically to music?
Abundance
The Priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night
Whispering firmly, the Priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him! “The dying man said nothing.
The Priest repeated his order. Still, the man said nothing. The Priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil? “The dying man said, “Until I know for sure where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”
An old priest died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven
Next to him was a young Uber driver who died seconds ago from his reckless driving.
The priest was called first, and St Peter said, “For your lifelong career working for the church, we will give you a small studio where you can stay for the rest of eternity.”
Then St Peter turned to the Uber driver and said, “For your 2 years as an Uber driver, we will give you a giant mansion by the lake and a Ferrari in a heated garage.”
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’
The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’
Why programmers like cooking: You peel the carrot, chop the carrot, and put the carrot in the stew. You don’t suddenly find that the peeler is several versions behind, and they dropped support for carrots.
A man is buying a banana, an apple, and two eggs. The female cashier says: “You must be single.”
The man answers: “Wow, how did you know that?”
Cashier: “Because you’re ugly.”
My wife told me I’ve grown as a person
Her actual words were, “You’ve gotten fat,” but I know what she meant.
A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally, they got married and had a little sweet potato, which they called ‘Yam.’
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn’t get accidentally mashed, get a bad name for herself like ‘Hot Potato,’ and end up with many Tater Tots.
Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn’t associate with those high-class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, ‘Frito Lay.’
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (Potato University ) so that she’d really be in the Chips when she graduated.
A woman got on a bus, holding a baby.
The bus driver said, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the farebox and took an aisle seat near the bus’s rear.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
“The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, “Why, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say things to insult passengers.”
“You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.”
“That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold your monkey.”
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons-72”A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.
“So, what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
You might not recognize one of the holidays. Hogswatch Night was created by Terry Pratchett, who is one of my favorite authors