A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.”
He turned around and said, “So, you want me to stay?”
Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 108
Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 107
A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.
He went over there and asked them why they guard it.
“We don’t know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!”
He searched for the last commander’s phone number and called him to ask him why did he want guards on this particular bench.
Technical Jokes and Cartoons Jokes – 106
Jokes at the Office
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
I went for a job interview today and the interviewer asked me, “What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?”.
I said, “Well, my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what’s real from what’s not.”
They then asked, “And your strengths?”
I said, “I’m Batman.”
Technical Jokes and Cartoons Jokes – 105
Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
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“If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?” “Pilgrims.”
“I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.”
“How does dry skin affect you at work?” “You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it.”
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A man we’ll call “Egon Tusk” had just become the CEO of a large tech company.
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Random Facts
- All the C’s in “Pacific Ocean” are pronounced differently.
- Octopi have blue blood. This is due to their blood containing copper, as opposed to human blood, which contains iron.
Technical Jokes and Cartoons Jokes – 101
Some Longer Jokes
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground.”
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Animal Jokes
Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tail.
If it’s raining cats and dogs. Don’t step in the poodles.
Cat’s ears are designed to allow the human voice to go in one ear and out the other.
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Three musicians are killed in an automobile accident. They arrive together at the pearly gates, where they are greeted by Saint Peter.
“Hello,” says Saint Peter. “I suppose you’d like to get into Heaven!”
“Yes, we would,” says the first musician, a band director.
“Well, there’s just a little test you have to take. Nothing too difficult. Related to your earthly profession,” says Saint Peter.
“OK,” says the band director, “I’m ready.”
“How do you tune your band?” asks Saint Peter.