An engineer died and reported to the Pearly Gates. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, “Ah, you’re an engineer. You’re in the wrong place.”
So, the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.
One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Bill walks into his boss’s office one day and says, “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I’ve got three companies after me, and I’d like to respectfully ask for a raise.”
After a few minutes of haggling. the boss finally agrees to give him a 5% raise, and Bill happily gets up to leave.
“By the way”, asks the boss as Bill is leaving his office, “which three companies are after you?”
Bill replies, “The electric company, water company, and phone company.”
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man replies, “And how would you do that?”
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 , and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0 , MONEY 3.0 and ESPN 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, “Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district. Spellings have been left intact.
Please excuse Roland from p.e. For a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip..
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side
Please excuse ray Friday from school.. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
