Technical Jokes Archives

Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 22

Posted on October 19, 2016April 1, 2021 by Bob Mesnik

Observations from Children

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents’.

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 21

Posted on September 19, 2016March 20, 2021 by Bob Mesnik

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”

He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”

He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”

“No, this is the manager of the skating rink!”

Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 20

Posted on August 17, 2016March 24, 2021 by Bob Mesnik

“If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round.'” – Eddie Izzard

“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.” – Rich Hall

“My great uncle Arthur died at the Battle of the Little Bighorn. But he wasn’t involved in the fighting. He was camping in a nearby field and popped over to complain about the noise.” – Rob Brydon

“You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.'” – Jerry Seinfeld

Technical Jokes and Cartoons 19

Posted on July 22, 2016March 24, 2021 by Bob Mesnik

Some comments from Stephen Wright:

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 18

Posted on June 21, 2016March 24, 2021 by Bob Mesnik

Math and Science for Engineers, and Others:

As an engineer, I found that it was important to learn certain basic mathematical concepts. Since, you also may need to know about scientific things, I put together some examples. By the way, all these diagrams are from Instachaaz,

Probability Density Function: The probability histogram shows how likely it is for something to occur over time, or over some other variable. For example:

Technical Jokes and Cartoons 17

Posted on May 18, 2016March 22, 2020 by Bob Mesnik

Definition of an Engineer:
Someone who solves a problem you had no idea you had, and does it in a way you don’t understand.

Tech support Issues:

Helpdesk: What’s on your monitor now ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

Technical Jokes and Cartoons 16

Posted on April 18, 2016March 21, 2020 by Bob Mesnik

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

Technical Jokes and Cartoons 15

Posted on March 21, 2016March 22, 2020 by Bob Mesnik

Zen Sarcasm

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

Technical Jokes and Cartoons 14

Posted on February 9, 2016March 24, 2021 by Bob Mesnik

A wife sent her husband a message on a cold winter evening: “Windows frozen”. The husband sent an answer back: “Pour some warm water over them”.

Some time later husband receives an answer from his wife: “The computer is completely messed up now”.

How can you tell which one of your friends has the latest iPhone?

Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.

A wife sent her husband a message on a cold winter evening: “Windows frozen”. The husband sent an answer back: “Pour some warm water over them”.

Some time later husband receives an answer from his wife: “The computer is completely messed up now”.

How can you tell which one of your friends has the latest iPhone?

Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.

Technical Jokes and Cartoons 13

Posted on December 1, 2015March 24, 2021 by Bob Mesnik

Science Jokes

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

An interesting paradox: Noses run but feet smell.

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, “How much for a gin and tonic?” The bartender smiled wryly and replied, “For you, no charge.”

What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

Some puns (groaners)

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead give away.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.