A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”
He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the manager of the skating rink!”
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 21”“If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round.'” – Eddie Izzard
“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.” – Rich Hall
“My great uncle Arthur died at the Battle of the Little Bighorn. But he wasn’t involved in the fighting. He was camping in a nearby field and popped over to complain about the noise.” – Rob Brydon
“You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.'” – Jerry Seinfeld
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 20”Some comments from Stephen Wright:
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons 19”As an engineer, I found that it was important to learn certain basic mathematical concepts. Since, you also may need to know about scientific things, I put together some examples. By the way, all these diagrams are from Instachaaz,
Probability Density Function: The probability histogram shows how likely it is for something to occur over time, or over some other variable. For example:
Definition of an Engineer:
Someone who solves a problem you had no idea you had, and does it in a way you don’t understand.
Tech support Issues:
Helpdesk: What’s on your monitor now ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons 16”Zen Sarcasm
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
A wife sent her husband a message on a cold winter evening: “Windows frozen”. The husband sent an answer back: “Pour some warm water over them”.
Some time later husband receives an answer from his wife: “The computer is completely messed up now”.
How can you tell which one of your friends has the latest iPhone?
Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.
A wife sent her husband a message on a cold winter evening: “Windows frozen”. The husband sent an answer back: “Pour some warm water over them”.
Some time later husband receives an answer from his wife: “The computer is completely messed up now”.
How can you tell which one of your friends has the latest iPhone?
Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons 14”
Science Jokes
Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.
An interesting paradox: Noses run but feet smell.
A neutron walked into a bar and asked, “How much for a gin and tonic?” The bartender smiled wryly and replied, “For you, no charge.”
What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
Some puns (groaners)
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead give away.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
All the jokes are from famous comedians. If you remember Groucho, you are probably in the baby boomer generation, and if you know Ellen DeGeneres then your’e probably a member of the Millennials.
Here’s some from George Carlin. He was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author.
I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons 12”